No Matter ...

No Matter How Good She Looks !!

Some Other Man Is Really Sick and
Tired of Putting up with Her Crap !!!

Criminal...!

Criminal is Like Others but he Got Caught !!!

Experience ...!

Experience is a Wonderful thing. It enables you
to Recognize a Mistake when you Make it Again!!!

Worthless …!

Men are like Steel ; both are Worthless
When they loose their Temper !!!

Happy Marriage Secrets ...!

Always hold hands. If you let go, she Shops!!!

Happy Marriage Secrets ...!

Two times a week, Go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine,
some good food and companionship, She goes Tuesday and you go Fridays!!!

Happy Marriage Secrets ...!

Also you sleep in separate bedrooms
Hers in Florida and yours in New jersey!!!

SOBER...!

SOBER ; A condition in which it is almost Impossible to Fall in Love !!!

Fool ..!

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, You know,
I was a fool when I married you.

She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." !

Give a Man a Fish ...!

Give a Man a fish, You'll feed him for a day.
Teach him how to use the Internet,
I guarantee that he will never bother you Again !!!

Sincerer Love ...!

There is no sincerer love than the love of Food

Men's Rooms ...!

I am barely sitting down when I hear a voice
from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation or
fraternize in men's rooms at a rest stop but,
I don't know what got into me,

so I answer, somewhat embarrassedly: "Not bad!"
And the other guy says: "So what's up with you?"
What a question? At that point, I'm thinking this is
too bizarre so I say: "I'm like you, just traveling east!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously... "LISTEN!!! I'll have to
call you back, there's an idiot in the other stall who keeps
answering all my questions, bye!"

Keep a Wife Happy ...!

Only two things are Necessary to keep one's Wife Happy.
One is to let her Think she is having her Own Way,
And the other is to Let Her have It !!!

The Perfect Girlfriend !!!

When I was 18, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me really miserable. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and had a commitment ceremony with her. She was so ambitious that she left me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.

Now I am 40 and am looking for a horny girl !!!

Tech advice ...

If you messed up your life, Just press "Ctrl+Alt+Delete"
and start all over !!!

Plagiarism & Research .!

When you take stuff from one writer it's Plagiarism .
But when you take it from many writers, it's Research!!!

When Things Go Wrong...!

If you can Smile when things Go Wrong,
You have Someone in Mind to Blame !!!

Forest Fire ... !

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
But it takes a whole box to start a campfire ???

All Gone..!

David was complaining to a friend ;

I had it All ; Money, a Beautiful
house, a Big Car, the Love of a
Beautiful Woman; then, Pow!
it was all gone!

What happened? asked the friend.
David ; My Wife Found Out ...!

Negotiation...!

Negotiation is the art of dividing a pie,
Everyone leave thinking that he got the
Biggest Piece !!!

Handsome Prince...!

In Order to get the Handsome Prince, you have to kiss a lot of Toads!!!

Coincidence!...!

Coincidence! how the word ( Politics )
is made up of the words in Latin ;
Poli ; meaning ( Many )
Tics ; meaning ( Bloodsucking Creatures ) !!!

Genius & Stupidity ...!

The difference between Genius & Stupidity is genius has its limits.!

Survey ...

According to a recent survey Married women are heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge...

Take a Lesson...!

All of us could take a Lesson from the Weather.
It pays no Attention to Criticism !!!

Keyboard of life ...!

On the Keyboard of life,
Always keep one finger on the Escape key.

What's Politics...?

Boy ; Dad, what's politics?

Dad ; Let me set an example with our family. I have all the
money so we will call me the management. Mom receives
most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the
maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby
brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy ; I still don't understand dad.

Dad ; Think about it for a while son. That night the boy
wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in
and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his
mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but
she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the
door but no one hear him. The next day...

Boy ; Dad I understand politics now.

Dad ; Good, explain it to me in your own words son.

Boy ; The management is screwing the working class
while the government is fast asleep. The people are being
ignored and the future is full of SHIT !!!

Shoot your Foot ..!

Woman ; Like a gun if you know how to hold it you
control your world. You lose control you Shoot your Foot !!!

The Perfect Man...

The perfect man is gentle Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father As well as a good husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking , cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything To convey his feelings of love to you.

The perfect man is sweet , And kisses your pain away
He will never make you cry or hurt you in any way

Hell, f*ck this stupid poem The perfect man is Gay.

Different Ships...!

There are many types of ships. There are wooden Ships, plastic
Ships and metal Ships. But the best and most important types of
Ships are Friendships!!!

Old Age ...

Old age isn't so bad when
you consider the Alternative !

Internet ...!

Have you noticed that since
everyone has Internet these days!

No one talks about seeing UFOs
like they used to!!!

End of the Tunnel..!

There's always a light at the end of the Tunnel,
Just hope it's NOT aTrain!!!

Good for You...!

Birthdays are good for you, The more you have the longer you live!

Marriage Before & After ...!

There are two times when a man doesn't Understand a Woman
Before Marriage and After Marriage!!!

Parachutes...!

Just because nobody complains doesn't
mean all Parachutes are Perfect!!!

Money can´t Buy Happiness ...!

Whoever said Money can´t buy Happiness,
doesn´t know where to Shop!!!

Nobody Notices!

Nobody notices what you do,
Until you don't do it !!!

Needing Someone !

Needing someone is like needing a parachute.
If he isn't there the first time you need him,
chances are you won't be needing him again !!!

A Friend

I had some free time, so what did I do?
I checked the computer to see if I'd heard from you!

I used to walk out to a box to retrieve mail.
But I'd rather get it instantly, than wait on the snail!

Checking my e-mail is always fun!
I usually get a joke or greeting from someone.

I feel so blessed because on the other end,
I know I've connected with a friend!

When I've had a hard day and need to share, Here I can find a friend who will listen and care.

And to this friend I hope I've let them know
That I am always there for them also!

Isn't it a strange kind of bond we form?
It isn't exactly like the "norm"!

But, where is it written, face to face we must be,
For you to be a very good friend to me??

That little joke or note, or just a simple "Hi",
Could be like a ray of sunshine from the sky!

So my online pals, this is dedicated to you,
For all the smiles you have made anew!

May our friendship continue to grow,
And the warmth we feel continue to flow!

Always remember this... A smile is such an easy thing to pass along the way,
Like a ray of summer sunshine, On a somewhat gloomy day.

Money ...!

Money may not buy Happiness, but sure
makes Misery much Easier to Live With!!!

Impossible...!

Whoever said nothing is impossible,
Never tried Slamming a Revolving Door!

Every, Some, Any, and Nobody...

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody,
Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was
asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody
got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody
realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up
that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did
what Anybody could ...

Mother in Law.!

A husband said to his wife ; No, I don't hate your relatives.
In fact, I love your Mother-in-law better than I like mine !!!

Purpose in Life ...!

It may be your Sole Purpose in Life
to serve as a Warning to Others !!!

If I sleep?

Wife : If I sleep with your best friend what
will be the first thought to come in your mind?

Husband :That you are a Lesbian.!

Boyfriend Girlfriend ...!

A boyfriend and his girlfriend, go out for an ice cream cone,

Boyfriend : May I ask for something?

Girlfriend : Of course, why not.

Boyfriend : But I am afraid you may misunderstand me.

Girlfriend : Don’t worry.

Boyfriend : Can I have a lick?

Girlfriend : sure (she gave him the ice cream).

Boyfriend : I told you , you'll misunderstand me !!!

kisses ...!

Some men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave
the house By Car
Some men kiss their house & Car goodbye when they
leave their wife.

Wedding Ring ...!

One woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
your Wedding Ring on the Wrong Finger?"

The other replied, Yes, I am, I Married the Wrong Man !!!

In the Sky ...

Astronomy ; To look in the sky and see stars.

Astrology ; To look up and see lions and virgins
and other spooky creatures!

Mimics ...

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents,
despite every effort to teach them good manners !